I enjoy the movie going experience. Each time I step into the theater, it’s like a two hour vacation, where I just get to sit there and eat while experiencing an exciting story full of complex emotions and dazzling effects. Sometimes these cinematic mini-breaks are life-refreshing and inspiring, other times they are G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra.
When the first trailer for this film was released, my friends and I exchanged gleeful (albeit worried) glances and the immediately started deciding who would be which G.I. Joe superstar for Halloween. The cast for these childhood heroes seems supreme at first glance. Each actor embodying all the signature physical traits, amped up by an excellent costume design team, even the dialogue wasn’t bad. But something was missing once it was all put together.
The emotional scenes were not compelling, but awkward. Instead of feeling like I had a window into a magical world full of empathic wonder, I felt like I was watching two acquaintances fight, break up, and make out. The sexual tension between love interests was either luke warm or forced at best.
These actors have captured my heart and imagination in plenty of other projects, so what is it about G.I. Joe that just didn’t hit the mark? Most of the special effects were impressive, especially the destruction of the Eiffel Tower. However, a few defied the laws of physics in a way that could only be described as comical.
At one point, hot, busty Scarlett is trailing a chase on a motorcycle for no apparent reason other than to be conveniently in the right place at the right time to assist in a way that no one could have possibly predicted. While swerving around, she manages to hop her bike into the air without a jump. How did she do this? Extra-strong thigh muscles? Alright, I’ll believe it just because I want to.
I want to believe that this movie could have been so much more, but when I went back to the cartoons in a fit of unsatisfied nostalgia, I was even more disappointed. Maybe I should just stick to the YouTube remixes.
