Wait, WITA’s reviewing a video game?! Surely The End Is Nigh.

Yeah, yeah. Video games based on movies pretty much always suck. I know it, and my wondrously optimistic and cheerful friends have dutifully reminded me of it while I awaited—with bright faith to drown out their nagging—the release of Watchmen: The End Is Nigh on the PlayStation Network. Of course their irksome predictions were going to come true, but hey, can’t a girl nurture a little hope sometimes?

Eh, apparently not.

Divided into chapters (like the original Watchmen graphic novel), each section begins with the colorful pastels of a Dave Gibbons-esque, animated cutscene. The story unravels back in the glory days of the Watchmen—before the Keene Act outlawed vigilantes and when Nite Owl II and Rorschach regularly fought crime side-by-side as partners. A police blotter draws them to a riot at Sing Sing Prison, and once the duo learns that the sole escapee is Underboss, their pursuit of the criminal leads them through the streets of Lower Manhattan down to the grimy sewers and more (but not much more).

Watch blood and teeth fly as the slow-motion from the film carries over to the game.

Unfortunately, the story turns out to be the most exciting part of the entire game, which can be played in co-op or single-player mode. Of the two characters, Rorschach is faster but weaker. His ability to steal and use weapons makes the fighting experience more sickening and gory. As Rorschach, you’ll pick locks to collect all ten Rorschach cards—which up your Rage meter—and climb shining (and thus noticeable) silver-colored drain pipes and ladders to advance to various areas.

Nite Owl, on the other hand, seems to lack any practical knowledge of how to use a highly complex device such as a ladder, so he maneuvers by grappling from place to place. Plus, to increase Nite Owl’s Charge meter—allowing his suit to dish out some cool damage—you’ll have to locate ten Owlship batteries. Although these glow and are consequently easier to detect than Rorschach’s inkblot cards, they’re a pain in the ass to actually find—be prepared to grapple to out-of-the-way nooks for most of them.

For either character, moves are learned by finding marked tokens. Combos are certainly a lot of fun to unleash once you’re on a roll, and when a thug nears death, pressing the specific button that pops up on the screen above him will allow you to administer one of multiple finishing moves. Defense-wise, Rorschach rolls out of the way and behind an opponent to counter and disarm, while the slower but more powerful Nite Owl accomplishes this by blocking first. To me, this makes Nite Owl the trickier character to master, so to achieve many of the unlockable trophies (or achievements if you’re playing on XBL), it might be wiser to stick with Rorschach.

Dan's Owlsuit becomes his biggest advantage when the thugs come in numbers.

Overall, the game is a fun beat-’em-up, but it has a lot of problems. Sometimes the gameplay can go wonky, and you’ll most likely encounter an assortment of glitches. When I was playing through as Rorschach, after ending a fight Nite Owl actually managed to get stuck on a short, narrow staircase. Thankfully, only a few minutes of running into him with the unbinding power of my frustration loosened the unimpressive AI enough to pry him free. However, once—while I was waiting for the AI to open a door for me—Rorschach must have decided to simply run off and leave me to my own survival, because that door never did open.

One nice feature the game possesses is the frequent checkpoints and the option of replaying from your last one or starting the chapter over again. Due to the game’s glitchy nature, this comes in handy and will probably save you the agony that usually accompanies such bugs. Still, you’ll have other problems to worry about—such as all too frequent, poorly lit settings that can make successful street brawling a real pain. Overall, the game really doesn’t rise above the whole “beat-’em-up” concept, merely breeding a repetitive experience sprinkled with petty excuses for “interactivity” (more like push a lever to operate a crane, loosen the valve to drain water from an area, etc.).

From Sing Sing Prison to the docks, the AI doesn't really improve.

Recommendation: Sporting a $20 price tag, Watchmen: The End Is Nigh isn’t a cheap investment. If you’re a fan of the new movie directed by Zack Snyder, chances are you’ll get some enjoyment out of the game. Granted, it’s not entirely bad—kicking ass is fun as both Rorschach and Nite Owl, who each have some unique tricks. Constant profanity-laced taunting by in-game thugs inspires some trash-talking of your own, and the local co-op option could certainly enhance the gameplay experience. Just don’t expect something great—especially since the story completely drops after, wait, only six chapters? WTF?! The cons sadly outweigh the pros, making basically every gamer on the face of the planet that much more secure in his/her fixed outlook on movie-based video games while simultaneously perpetuating the vicious cycle developers have fallen into in by churning out the disappointing movie-based games that make gamers so smug in the first place.

Hurm, perhaps too much exposure to another point-of-view. Must remember to investigate further.

Watchmen: The End Is Nigh
Systems: PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, PC
Developer: Deadline Games
Publisher: Warner Bros Interactive

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