In honor of Love Your Body Day - we have brought back one of our older stories that pertains to self esteem. Do something good for your body today!!
Check out our fellow ladies gaming sites and their coverage of Love Your Body Day
Once upon a time there was a little girl who loved to dress up in pretty dresses and make believe that she was someone else. Her friends would love to come over and play with the little girl’s crowns and dresses.
“I want to be the princess today!!”
“No, it’s my turn,” they would cry.
“How about we all play that we are princesses,” her mother laughed.
The little girls skipped, danced, and sang. Four little princesses in their pretty dresses, crowns, and gloves.
As time went by, the little girl’s friends stopped coming to play. Other things began to become more important and their need to feel pretty slowly changed from putting on tiaras to applying makeup and wearing short skirts. All her friends began to do their hair and wear heels while the little girl who had the pretty dresses continued to make believe.
“Why live in a world where people judge you on your REAL appearance when you can make believe you are the prettiest girl in the world, ” she said to herself. “I would rather dress up in wings and be a faerie than put on heels to impress the boys.”
Soon, the little girl became a teenager, and all of her friends began to notice that she did not want to play with them. This girl was different, they all said. She would go straight home after school and create fantastic stories in her room. She would play video games where she could be anyone she wanted; she would dress up her dolls and make movies and put on shows.
The other girls became more and more evil to her at school. They would make up stories about the girl; they would mock her and say that she was fat. The girl began to dread being in the real world. She discovered that eating made her feel better and every day would go home and fill her stomach - in turn filling the void that was in her heart.
The girl began to gain weight and the pretty dresses and crowns were replaced with large t-shirts and baggy jeans. Although she continued to perform and make believe, her real life world was turning against her more and more. The girl fell into a deep depression; she began to cover up the mirrors at her house. She started eating unhealthy and using medication to make herself sick. Every night, she turned to her video games, books and dolls to get away from the tortured world around her.
Years later, the girl had turned into a woman. Once she had become independent and left the town that she grew up in, she began to clearly see what she had been doing to her body! She wanted to be that princess again and set out to find others who WOULD understand where she was coming from.
She thought that in order to relate to the girls around her, she would have to be more like them. She worked hard and shed the weight she had gained. She began dressing more provocatively and wearing make up. She worked hard on her image and made it a point to let people see how she had changed.
“Look! I am just like you. Please accept me and let’s be friends!”
After years and years, people began to take the girl seriously. They invited her to parties. They liked her funny personality; she was finally starting to get noticed. Though she had become a butterfly, nothing had changed in the girl’s soul. She was the same little girl who loved to play video games and dress up in pretty things. She simply painted her face more and watched what she ate and now … the world was at her feet.
One day, she looked around and noticed that the little girls who had made fun of her were beginning to dress up and play video games like her. They, too, were getting attention. A lot of attention. In fact, they were becoming quite famous because they had spent years and years learning how to walk, to dress and to bring attention to themselves. Suddenly, the girl was no longer as popular. The girls from her past, once again, were more important than she was … and now they were more important doing the things that they always mocked her for.
The girl began to panic. She began to turn back to the horrid thoughts she use to have as a teenager. Mean people began to mock her and call her names. They picked apart every last one of her flaws and told her she wasn’t pretty enough to be on the same level as these other girls. They put up websites just for the sheer joy of humiliating girls like her. And the girl began to hurt herself again.
She turned back to her old ways and once again, she was sad. The words that she had read stung hard. She knew her faults, but for others to point them out … To no longer see her as special but see her as average again was painful after she had given up so much to fit in. She had been herself all this time. The only thing that had changed was her painted face and high heels. For years, the girl had only wanted to fit in and now, even with her painted face and high heels - she was now lost once again …
TO BE CONTINUED ……
Well, I’m sure you are wondering where this all comes from! Recently, I’ve been noticing a trend on the internet of people intentionally going out of their way to cast a shadow or mock those who are simply having fun. Picking EVERYTHING apart. Calling girls fat who may have a bit of cellulite here or an arm flap there. It got me thinking about how words can affect someone. How one little post saying “OMG, thunder thighs!!” could put a human being into a dangerous place.
I wanted to write this in story form so that people could see how simple this story really is. For every word that comes flowing from your fingers onto that anonymous site, for every evil thing that you write about someone, there is someone else on the receiving end of that who has to cope with those words.
We forget sometimes that behind that glowing, pixelated monitor is a living, breathing person with feelings. Many of the things that are written online would never be uttered face-to-face. It is simply the anonymity of the internet that allow for this sort of thing to flourish.
Working with the American Eating Disorders Association, I can not put into words how one word affects girls and boys who are already struggling with self-esteem issues. Especially in a culture that sprung from the loins of those who may not have felt that they fit in: those who were more comfortable in their own homes, in a world of make-believe, than out in the world where they were to be judged. Now these same kids have grown up and are being judged in their own sanctuary.
I invite everyone who reads this to really take a moment and think about how your words may affect someone on the other end. Before writing something that is hurtful and harmful, really dig deep down and ask yourself the reasons that you are saying these things.
Let’s help write the end of this little girl’s story.
An ending that resembles the old adage of “Happily Ever After”…
August 14th, 2008 at 1:34 am
…and this is a story that is told by many all around the world.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:20 am
i love the movie mean girls.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:20 am
Great article Becky! I for one am only beginning to try and see past all the negative hate and words people can say to you..
And I know many people that go through the same thing
I hope this brings some attention to people who would otherwise go on and flame the next person for no reason. Please think before you insult someone..it really does hurt.
Thanks again Becky
(Yes I copied and pasted from Digg, lol, I was too tired to make different comment <3 )
August 14th, 2008 at 6:47 am
Yep, people can sometimes be cruel and mean, and sometimes without meaning to be :\
Something to remember about all this is that: Words don’t always translate the intent or meaning behind them, and it’s especially difficult with text since it often lacks intonation and inflection to really carry the meaning through
I’ve occassionally run into people who, believe it or not, thought by making fun of someone’s appearance was Helping that person by putting pressure on them to change their habits. 0.o
They didnt understand that it was being taken much more negatively than they’d intended and created a lot of upset for the person on the recieving end. I was honestly shocked to hear that they thought it was “helping” but they admitted they were young and didnt really understand the harm they did. Honestly flabbergasted at the thinking behind it though.
I’ve also run into the meanspirited types who simply were mean for the sake of it and delighted in bringing misery and suffering to others
This stuff goes beyond just talking about people and criticizing people, it also extends to how people deal with criticism, and give criticism - it seems like somehow people have forgotten how to deal with giving/recieving criticism maturely - can look at how people bash Nintendo or Sony or MS for their products sometimes.
I’ve been thinking about this sort of thing a lot lately myself, especially because of a couple of cooking shows heh.
Gordon Ramsay is an example of someone who is hard because he wants people to do the best they can and be successful with their restaurants, but he doesn’t pull punches and at times people take his stuff really hard.
Heh, there’s a couple other shows that do similar stuff, and they do stuff like “crossing off menu items” to help get restaurants on track, and I recall one chef’s comments “It’s like an attack on your soul”. It was kinda odd, as a viewer I didn’t really see it that way (the helping chef was just trying to streamline what was there) - and having seen how Ramsay sometimes gets angry with restauranters, I thought the chef who’d been crossing the stuff off had been rather gentle… though I understand where the one chef was coming from
Thank you for addressing this issue Becky!
It’s an important one for people to think about, going beyond just being mean to each other but even in general how people handle criticism/dialogue/interactions
August 14th, 2008 at 7:54 am
Bottom line…
MEAN PEOPLE SUCK!!
The internet is full of people who get picked on and ignored all day long in school… so when they get home they feel the need to lash out at everyone and can hide behind their monitors and do so in an anonymous way.
They aren’t getting the attention they need in the “real” world and they want to see popular things fail to make their own inadequacies seem sufficient to survive. Feel sorry for them and consider the “feeling their wrath” as a service you’re providing to help their negative lives.
Also, consider the source… anyone who “picks on someone” or spews negativity on the internet is clearly someone who is immature and probably most likely very young and incapable of having a positive and meaningful conversation anyway.
Tommy
August 14th, 2008 at 7:59 am
But my fear is that this is the trend that our culture is headed. Kids today have no regard for other people’s feelings. I think that saying “this is the way it is … ignore them” fails after a while. They will continue to think that it’s OK to keep doing what they are doing and nothing will change … it will only get worse.
In a society where TMZ is the most popular show on the internet and sites like Perez Hilton spew crap talk about people in the spotlight … I really wonder where our world is headed. It makes you think about how heartless our culture is becoming.
August 14th, 2008 at 8:42 am
hmmm….its funny. thats my exact sotry. every word of it, right down to the last little bit.
it all got so bad for me that i no longer cosplay, i’m scared to write anything or even attached my name to it. at one point the abuse i was getting got so bad i had to call the police because of the emails i was getting. i was called every name under the sun, fat, ugly, slut a whore. it all got to me, more than i think i let on. It was one of the most awful things i had to go through, it still gets to me even to this day.
August 14th, 2008 at 8:51 am
I think it’s the theme song for a LOT of girls online. So many in our community get this type of treatment. Especially those of us who like to model/game/act …etc. It seems as the our culture really doesn’t KNOW what it wants.
Just know you aren’t alone PB. I’m really hoping that we can at least make a LITTLE dent in people’s minds by getting this story out there.
Too many people say “Just grow a tougher skin and ignore it.” Words that cut as deeply as some of these are impossible to ignore.
August 14th, 2008 at 9:03 am
FredOzzel: I <3 Gordon Ramsay, lol!
Tommy: Exactly.
People are just mean—and WAY too obsessed with looks in our society.
Aktrez: Meh, totally agree.
And you’re absolutely right: You just can’t ignore it. Not only will nothing change, but people don’t understand how powerful words can be. All you have to do is look at stories where people kill themselves and/or others because people just won’t get over themselves and be nice to people. It’s ridiculous.
August 14th, 2008 at 9:07 am
as i once said to virtual girl, if the person receiving the comments was unattractive, shy and didn’t happen to be popular, nobody would care. they seek out those who are popular and well liked. people are being punished for not being unattractive.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:29 am
An excellent article. Personally, I always lose a little faith in humanity when I look at comments on people’s blogs or comments under Youtube videos. It seems like when you are dealing with something like anonymity on the internet, it is when you get to see true human nature. I’ve always been afraid that civilization has just been a pretense.
Of course, this is just me being bitter and cynical. Tommy’s most likely right, that a lot of the flamers and hateful people online are just releasing all the negativity they receive in their everyday life. Either way it’s a trend I only see becoming more and more common.
That’s one of the reasons I love this community. There is no negativity to be seen, no hatred or bigotry. Becky’s motto is the best way to combat this: “Positivity breeds positivity.” Even if only a few people adopt that philosophy, at least your making the world 1% better!
Sorry if I’m rambling, you just touched upon a topic I’ve done a lot of thinking on, and I think their are so many factors to it.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Great story! Hopefully it opens a lot of people’s eyes!!
People talk because they are jealous and its so easy to hide behind a computer screen.
I had to deal with people like that on XboxLive last December (and people didn’t even know what I looked like). All because I was good at a “guy’s game” I started getting hate messages telling me I was an ugly, lonely, fat girl and I should kill myself or they would do it for me. One person was so bad I had to call Xbox customer service and have them banned!!
Everyone just needs to love each other!!!!!
August 14th, 2008 at 10:33 am
I agree with Tommy…
… and yes, our society is pushing toward the negative trend because some of the people out there are hardwired to seek out pain. Yes, most of these people are mean because they have pitiful lives. It is in no way acceptable to speak/type down at someone.
I’ve seen some of these “trolls” from 4chan in person and… they really have NO room to talk! All they do us talk smack under their breath! What I would really like is for some of these people to come out of hiding and say these mean things in the open… now that would be interesting… and so would my reaction toward them!
August 14th, 2008 at 11:03 am
“I started getting hate messages telling me I was an ugly, lonely, fat girl and I should kill myself or they would do it for me.”
That’s the stuff that depresses me the most. As someone who has lost 2 close friends to suicide, I don’t see how anyone could ever find that sort of thing funny.
August 14th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Becky, this is a really good article and I am glad you wrote it. I for one have always tried to ignore rude comments online and they really don’t effcct me too much.
I know that it is different for many people and you can’t just shrug it off every time and it can really get to us. Even though it is tough, we have to try to say “F*ck It” I know I am not perfect, but I am still an awesome and beautiful person, regardless of what these lonely internet strangers say about me.
I also hate how girls feel they are always in this contest with each other. We should be uniting, not hating. It shows a lot of maturity when someone can say or even think that that girl is way prettier than you, but she may be really cool and fun to talk to. Girls need to be taught this!
This stems from what girls see in the entertainment industry everyday. Guys won’t love you if you aren’t a size 0; you aren’t pretty with some wrinkles; you are not pretty with love handles.
Well, we are dammit! I like how Dove is using more REAL women in their commercials and I think other companies owe it to us to follow suit.
To Becky and all the other girls here, we are the coolest and most beautiful people I know! I really mean this.
August 14th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Tommy hit the nail on the head with that last paragraph he wrote.
On the situation with 4chan. I may get some flack for this, but I’ve been going to that website for as long as I can remember. I’ve been to a handful of panels…sitting in a room filled with fellow anon who I can now put a face to. They aren’t anything special or anything to really get upset about. It wasn’t started for the simple idea that we could bash people and remain nameless over the internet…while it’s always been sort of negative, It’s just that lately 4chan has been over-run with new people who think it’s fun to bring in their newfag vendettas against people who they don’t even know a damn thing about. I typically tend to ignore the pointless drama and comment positively when people have questions or are looking for advice. When that thread was started a few days ago, I was really hoping that you wouldn’t see it…because people on that site can be seriously brutal. Jealousy is exactly what it is. Not even the most perfect of cosplay is acceptable to those people over there. That’s why I tend to stay out of /cgl/ and /b/. I’m telling you Becky…you can NOT let those people get to you. The person sitting on the other side of that computer writing those hateful words more than likely hate their lives. They are jealous of where you are in life. They hate the fact that you are successful and they are not. They hate you because you are more than average…so by them telling themselves that you ARE average and posting it up on boards…gives them a sense of empowerment, you know?
You and I came from the same type of background. Man, I remember getting spitballs thrown at me and gum stuck on my chair before I sat down. High school was rough. I never really cared about being accepted to the point where I forced myself to really give two-cents on what I looked like. Than after a while, I realized that the way I looked really affected how people treated me. So I changed…and realized people are still heartless.
But now all those same people I knew before who were sitting on top of their golden horses are now struggling with life. Married and divorced before turning 25, kids, weight gain…and while Mike and I have been dealing with some issues in our lives lately, I couldn’t ask for a better person to support me. I continue to ignore the hate and stick with the positive. That’s all you CAN do.
August 14th, 2008 at 11:49 am
I’m a big believer in the thought that people make fun of others to make them feel better about themselves. Girls, especially, put other girls down because in the end they are jealous of eachother, or need to nit-pick and find those insignificant flaws because everything else is perfect. In the end, everyone has flaws, and no one is perfect.
The internet is an easy wall to hide behind. MANY things are said here that would never be said in “real-life” or face to face. I’ve also notice that shit-talking in contagious.
Honestly, I think it’s just something you eventually either grow out of, or you become one of those gossiping women who feed off making other’s miserable. It’s definately not exclusive to gaming, or any of the items we discuss here at GEN.. it’s kind of just how things are.
My defense mechanism is to make fun of myself before others can. If I’m the first one to point out my flaws, then it’s hard for someone to come in and hurt me for something I’ve already publically annouced (this would make more sense with an example, but I can’t think of one right now).
August 14th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Mandy, while I agree that it’s not just our culture, I feel our culture gets it the worst because we LIVE on the internet. people wouldn’t say those things to someone face to face.
I also don’t believe that it’s any kind of excuse for it. I think that we need to start saying No, it’s NOT OK to act like that and begin to turn the tables. For YEARS we have put up with people mocking our hobbies and we just turn to our games or ignore them. I think we need to take a stand against that. There are many people who are just getting into this, who don’t have thick skins and who are unable to turn the other cheek. I’m most worried about them. If words can affect someone who has dealt with it their whole lives … the way it affects me; Imagine someone who has never had to hear those words before!
August 14th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
I agree fully with Becky that the “younger generations” are growing into this mindset. I mean, now that I got it up I’ve been trying to drive traffic to my blog and so I’ve been on Digg a lot recently. I left a few comments on some links that used common sense to point out things (for instance, one “comedy” video was simply a skit about underage drinking and raping drunk women, and I noted how unfunny the video was) and of course, being in the right… I was immediately “buried” and ripped with negative replies questioning my sexuality.
Yet I turned around on another thread and left a juvenile joke entirely against my personality (about Michael Jackson, no less) and ended up with 39 positive “diggs” and a shiny “LOL” reply to go with it.
I simply don’t understand the backwards mentality online- it’s a place where proper language is sneered upon (after all, if you point out grammar or spelling errors you’re a “Nazi”), everything in every single location “sucks” (and if it doesn’t suck today, it will suck tomorrow or next week), and of course everyone is living a life of wild parties with supermodel women/men, millions of dollars and its only your life that sucks. (According to each and every post.)
The mindset of (some, not all!) younger people is highly jaded and there is ABSOLUTELY no respect for elders- I know when I was 15 or 24 I wouldn’t have sat there talking smack -online or off- to someone 10 or 15 years older than me.
What bothers me the most is you almost can’t be honest online- on the largest alumni forums for Michigan State- someplace online I thought I’d love to hang out- sharing simple concepts such as being lengthily unemployed or not having dated in a bazillion years doesn’t gain you discussion, understanding or shared stories- no… you become a running joke, because of course no one else would dare tell the truth- it’s only YOU that’s had such a terrible life. Even with my infinite patience, overload of silliness and ability to get along with anyone I meet- even with all of those personality traits, I was worn down over time and left after telling them off (which I had vowed not to do, but just snapped. I don’t do drama, but even I got suckered in to it!)
I say too bad, because I’ve always spoken honestly online… never hidden who I am, nor will I. I just try to remember that the other people definitively would not dare do such things in person, and that the perfect life they’re leading (99 percent of the time) is just their own creative storytelling. But I’m not going to let others stop me from being me online- if you want to mock me for something I share about my life, go for it… because I know for a fact that you’ve got something as equally unusual/embarassing/unfortune as I do to share- but I’m the bigger person for being able to share it instead of cower behind online anonymity.
But I definitely don’t get the mindset- I don’t know I ever will!
August 14th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Oh, I totally agree that it has gone way too far. I wasn’t trying to downplay it, just saying it happens much more now since pretty much everyone in the 13-30 age category uses the internet daily. Message boards and myspace make it easier to not only see other’s pictures & read about their lives.. but comment on them without reprecussions.
Honestly, I doubt there is a single person ever that hasn’t heard hurtful words before. Everyone just copes with it differently. I’d imagine someone who it affects more, probably gets it more often because the ones saying hurful things know that it affects you like that. That made sense in my head, but I’m not sure how to dictate it.
Anyways, respect & trust are extremely difficult for some people. I think that how you are treated and taught as a child greatly influence your adulthood. Not to get all psychological, but if you were never taught how to respect and/or trust someone, then it’s probably one of the hardest things to learn as an adult. I don’t know that someone who DID learn these things can related to the others, and vice versa.
As far as you’re concerned Becky, you’re one of the prettiest people I know (inside AND outside)! I truely think that any critisizm you get is due to jealousy.
August 14th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
I think this is a brilliant story and discussion. It also reminds me of a story I read on The Onion earlier today, which I think is somewhat appropriate: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/local_idiot_to_post_comment_on
Although I agree that people anonymously spouting hateful words at people across the internet is a horrible thing to do, you almost have to feel bad for those people too. That is the life of some people. That’s what their life has come to. They’re not the ones modeling, doing something creative, and putting themselves out there to be criticized. The only thing they have to contribute is hatred. How empty is a life like that? A lot of us spend probably way too much time on the internet, but at least we’re trying to contribute something, be it art, ideas, or whatever. But where is your life at, when all your time is spent on the internet, tearing other people down? It’s sad.
It’s also hard not to take things personally when you’re exposing yourself to the criticism of the internet. I’m all for constructive criticism, but spewing verbal abuse simply because you’re afforded the luxury of anonymity is never forgivable. And how are you not going to take that personally when they’re making an attack on you as a person?
Unfortunately it’s also a fact of life. People are going to be dicks on the internet. However I think there’s also hope. The internet is still young. I think if we look at it as the progression of a life, it’s gone through it’s innocence in the early years. Now it’s in it’s Middle School phase where it’s immature, but thinks it’s the end-all awesomeness where shit-talking and abuse is just the norm. I have hopes that eventually the internet will move beyond this as it grows into our lives more and more, and the internet will become less and less anonymous. Eventually it will become so integrated into our lives, that people will have to think twice about what they’re saying, because the virtual world will not be separate from the real world. And every time you bash some kid online, your neighbors will find out about it and condemn you for your virtual actions.
It’s nice that there are small havens from the assholes though. While I’m still new here, this site seems to be generally good natured, and that’s refreshing for sure.
August 14th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I have a little different perspective on this than other folks. Unfortunately as easy as it might be to dismiss folks with poor attitudes and negative sayings they aren’t ALL doing it to be hurtful. Like I said before, some are trying to help, albeit with a poor approach
You can pretty much classify a LOT Of the stuff we commonly see on the net that was negative as being misguided (sometimes misinterpreted though). Others are purely mean for the sake of suffering and That stuff HAS to stop or society will decay.
We have a problem because, you can’t prance around issues all the time trying to be nice either though. Sometimes harsh things have to be said - and I hate to say it but sometimes that’s OK. It comes down to how it’s said, why it’s said, and people being OK with both. I’m not going to pretend it’s easy to say harsh things to people even if it’s necessary though
To some degree as emotionally devestating as verbal abuse is, I’d rather people did that than physically attacking people. Having been on the recieving end of both, I feel weird about the issue but I’d still generally prefer to not have my skull involuntarily smashed on metal girders.
Being beaten senseless every day gets old, and confronting my attackers revealed their lives sucked too. It’s very conflicting to know that your life sucks, but knowing that the person hurting you is also hurting is… well it’s odd to realize you’re just someone’s proxy punching bag.
My point is, we need to not take it out on others when they are mean, but encourage people to find better outlets and better ways of communicating person to person. A fist or mean words aren’t the answer. There’s positive and constructive ways of dealing with things. Mean behavior is mostly unneccessary (there are exceptions, but even then there’s a right way to handle it) Tough love for example may be necessary at times, but that doesn’t mean that tough love entails an extreme like busting out an iron maiden
Something negative may need to be said sometimes though, but that’s why they invented tact and diplomacy.
Its a matter of encouraging people instead of discouraging them. Unfortunately most kids don’t learn that till After they’ve inflicted a lot of harm.
Funny thing is with WoW I see a LOT of negative behavior in how people interact, and I’ve tried very hard to discourage that with my guild. But they’re being passionate about what they beleive in, just not realizing they could use that passion in a more constructive way to build people up instead of tearing them down.
In the end: I wholeheartedly agree that positivity breeds positivity
August 14th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Sorry I could probably write 10 books on this from 10 years worth of the net, lol.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
^ Seriously. The internet hasn’t aged to the point of polite manners yet. Maybe that’s what our generation needs to teach our children!
Edit: I think I might be on to something here. Who’s monitoring the internet? No one.. how many parents of teenagers are active on the internet (outside of work and email).. probably not many. It’s only been around for 15 years or so, and I know my parents never bothered really learning the ins and outs of the internet. Sure there are some, but definately not the majority. If no one’s there to teach these manners and dicipline someone not to use the internet in this way, it’s only natural for an impressionable teenager to mimic what they are seeing. Even a few years beyond that, they will surely keep their ways if no one is correcting them. It’s certainly not an excuse for poor behavior, but it is a reason.
August 14th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Great storytelling!
August 14th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Btw, I think this post was a great idea, Becky. All of you have left such amazing, positive, and heartfelt comments that it kind of makes you a little more optimistic about people’s good nature, doesn’t it?
Kannaya: Those Dove commercials are great, aren’t they? It’s about time!
August 14th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
I agree with the point you are making, but I don’t agree with the angle.
story continued:
This unfortunate girl never got over her self esteem issues in highschool and ran and hid from them. She recieved a false ego boost by being the “pretty” one in a group of uglier girls, and when the prettier girls showed up again, she realized she never got over her REAL issue, and just covered it up with a fantasy land. The problem isn’t the pretty/obnoxious girls being pretty and acting obnoxious, which is the angle your story is written on. (Unfortunate, but this is one of the great problems of the world that will never go away.) The problem, sadly, exists with that girl with no self esteem. If she had learned to love and accept herself back in highschool, she could look at those “pretty” girls making fun of her LOOKS and brush them off, knowing it has nothing to do with the love of her fandom.
personally, I swore off that “anonymous site”. Out of sight, out of mind. Even if people tell me I’m on it, I tell them to stop right there because I don’t give a shit whether it was mean or nice. Other people’s opinions of me don’t matter, and if I had to advise the girl in your story, I would tell her that she can’t control what others think, but she can control how she thinks.
August 14th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Very well written, Aktrez and commenters.
Human beings have an endless thirst and capacity for wanting to destroy one another. I can imagine John Lennon’s dream of all the people living life in peace - and I can also imagine the first psychopath coming along and destroying that society just because he/she can.
IMHO, the biggest problem with anonymous two-minute-hates is there is always going to be many people out there who will believe everything that they see, read, and hear, even when it is completely and totally false. We all know what happened to John Kerry four years ago.
August 14th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
For most of my life, I always sought the love and acceptance of others, so much so that I left absolutely no room in me to love myself. I dieted and lifted weights, I attempted to wear better clothes, and yet, nothing. I felt no more accepted than I did before.
It’s so easy to sit here and write what I think is to blame for my low self esteem. My POOR relationship with my dad, my inability to make really solid friends, and the fact that I’ve been single for about 8 years now… all of it, I can use all of it like a crutch for my self-doubt.
Then I realized something important after a friend from work sat me down and gave me the much-needed ass-kicking I needed to open my eyes to the truth. The truth was that I made my self-pity a comfort zone, it was BECAUSE of my self-doubt that I had few friends and not a single girl in the world who wanted me.
So now when I work out, I do it to become what I want to be, to feel good about myself. I don’t do it to be attractive to somebody else, I do it because I want to feel good about myself, to affirm that I am fully capable of greater things than just… sitting around playing Rock Band or whatever.
I actually wear a cologne that people seem to like instead of just plain deodorant. As external as that is, it definitely helps not to smell like crap like I bet I did when I never bothered.
I also decided that I was going to stop with the baggy loose clothes, because that just screams to people that I have no confidence in myself.
Finally, I need hobbies, something that I can have a passion for to invest my talents in. I’m still searching for what I’m passionate about, but when I find it, I know that’ll make things all the better for me.
What’s my point in saying all of this? Well, clearly, the story is only half finished, but I can already tell that the girl in your story has been going at life at the wrong angle. Dressing up and trying to look the part will only get you so far before a trial by fire comes along and burns it all away. Work on your insides first, and everything will come along naturally, making the hateful words of others meaningless.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
My response to the girl in the story:
She is beautiful, inside and out. The reason I know this is because I got to see the real her at her b-day party last weekend. I saw a funny, happy-go-lucky, genuinely sweet girl who is SUPER easy to get along with. She made everyone feel welcome, even if she didn’t know them that well. She created a haven for all with GEN and she doesn’t even know how strong she is.
I know that she puts up with a lot of crap and constantly uses her story for others to learn and grow from… now that takes a lot of guts.
There are only a handful of people who are saying mean things, the rest of us don’t think the way these trolls think… and while she wants to change the world, she has to realize first that there is only so much she can do. I’ve learned the hard way that you can’t make a person change, they have to change themselves. The girl in the story will exhaust herself and forget above all to live if she continues like this. She must live her life with no doubts, and never ask, “what if?”
To this girl: she is beautiful. She is not fat, she is perfect. If Marilyn Monroe were alive today, she’d be giving her a run for her money! Anyone who likes a size 0 is sick in the head…because BONES HURT WHEN YOU DO IT *haha*!
Women like Marilyn are perfect… just like the girl in the story!
The End
August 15th, 2008 at 1:29 am
I fear that Aktrez is correct regarding her assessment about the internet and the computer keyboard
Sitting behind that computer some people have become extremely cruel towards others
Men harrassing women
Teen Age Cyber-bulling
We try to provide a support system for my 15 year old niece so that she does not become a victim of such things but its happeneing to so many people all the time
Thanks so much for sharing your comments and this story
Anthony
August 15th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Great story and point, Themo!
August 15th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Amen Traycee. The Marilyn look is far more appealing than the stick-thin runway model look. Hips are hot. Hip bones are not.
August 15th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
And on the internet… I bet if you took that photo and photoshopped another girls face on it, they would say “FATTY!!!” That’s my whole point. People online have this veil of ignorance. So, how do we change that?
August 15th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
We can’t change it. From the moment we are born, we begin the process of being hardwired by behavioral influences from the world around us. Some people can change their mind as easily as I can change my skin color… do you know what I’m sayin’?
We can’t change people, but we can influence some through our positive behavioral patterns… how we treat each other.
During the G4 gotcast contest, a physically unattractive person called my a disgusting pin-up wannabe… then he commented on how he’s not attractive either but atleast he wasn’t trying to be in the public eye… I told him:
“You know what, I would never comment on your looks, I’m not hardwired to make fun of people for things they can’t help.”
The nicer you are to mean people, the more it aggravates them… it’s not you, it’s them, and these negative Nancy’s may need professional help for a deeper problem they have from within. Their psychological makeup might be out of wack (who knows).
The important thing to do now is to hear what everyone here is saying… lets work on ourselves, because that is what we can control. We just can’t control everyone else and how they view the world.
Society does need a chimney sweep… and as for the poor unfortunate souls… they are lost…
I’ve been trying to save the world one person at a time, but I do it through charity work for people I know will appreciate my help… for example, in September I’m participating in Habitat for Humanity (building a house for people who don’t have one)… I sponsor children in 3rd world countries so they can go to school, and so on… and while I don’t have a lot of money, I remind myself that there are others out there who have less… and in turn, this helps me feel good about myself for helping others.
As for what I think about the sh*t talkers online, they are a very small group. We are the majority, not them. We should focus on helping those who have been victimized by cyber bullying… cyber suicide is an issue we should address more than changing the trolls…
You’ve created the safe haven Becky, we should help the victims feel better about themselves…
… and may all the trolls rot in HELL!
P.S. Jpyke, your cartoons are superific!
August 15th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Oh, and another thing… curves do not = fat… I wish I had a body like Marilyn or Salma Hayek or Beyonce… or J-lo!!
August 15th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
LOLs at Nancy Negative, is that Debbie Downer’s sister?
August 15th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
*lol* Yes it is Mandy (hahahaha)!!
August 15th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
On Kiis it’s Negative Natalie.
August 15th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
I agree with Traycee: JPyke, your stuff is great!
August 18th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Like Traycee said, they’re the minority. Trolls are just vocal. I think most people think y’alls pics are great, they just don’t say so. Some are probably e-shy, or just don’t take the time to say anything. It’s just the haters in the world who like to voice their opinion on everything and ruin it for the rest. So rather than changing the trolls, I would say the best bet is to get more people to voice their positive opinions. That would turn the trolls from a small population with a big voice, to a small population with an insignificant voice.
And thank you very very much Traycee and Whatistechnoagain!!! That’s very kind, unexpected, and much appreciated! (Prime examples of awesome positivity!)
August 18th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
You’re right everyone. That is what I love about this community… everyone is so damn smart!!! Ha ha. Not to mention positive and supportive. I hope that this supportive/positive enviornment will spread out into the world and make everyone a little bit better.
It only takes a spark… to get a fire going.